Nobody talks about the Middle…
I'm not where I used to be, but I'm not where I want to be either.
I'm not starting from scratch. I'm growing through lessons I've learned and a few I was too stubborn to learn the first time. That's the funny thing about life. Some lessons don't leave just because you ignored them. They simply wait until you're ready to listen.
Nobody really talks about the in-between. We celebrate beginnings and we admire endings, but the middle rarely gets any attention. It's the space between who you were and who you're becoming. The season where you still believe anything is possible, but the CVS receipts of rejection keep piling up. The place where your faith is constantly asked to outweigh the facts.
The in-between is a strange place to live.
I'm unemployed, but I've never been more ambitious. My calendar is emptier than it's been in years, yet somehow my mind has never been fuller. Every day is filled with ideas, applications, plans, prayers, business concepts, and dreams that don't quite exist yet. I'm applying for jobs while building businesses. I'm grieving one chapter while praying over the next. Some days I feel like I'm falling behind. Other days I realize I'm exactly where growth requires me to be.
At 35, I feel like I'm caught between generations of myself. I'm old enough to know better, but there are still days I feel like I'm figuring life out for the very first time. In my career, I'm somewhere in the middle too. I'm no longer the eager new professional trying to prove I belong, but I don't quite feel like the seasoned executive who's seen it all either. Sometimes I feel too experienced for one room and not experienced enough for another.
Even my relationship with my body feels like it's living in the middle. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I used to be either. I'm close enough to convince myself everything is fine and honest enough to know I could take better care of myself. It's that uncomfortable space where every decision feels like it's quietly shaping the future version of you.
Maybe that's why this season feels so familiar. It reminds me of being the middle child of my own life. Not the beginning of my story and not the chapter I imagine telling years from now. Just... here. Trying to get my own attention. Trying to become my own person instead of the version of me that was defined by a job title, other people's expectations, or the need to keep proving myself.
Comparison has a way of making the middle feel smaller than it really is. It's easy to scroll through life and feel like everyone else has arrived while you're still unpacking the directions. Everyone seems to be announcing promotions, engagements, babies, businesses, dream homes, and milestones while you're quietly wondering if you're making the right next move. Some days I catch myself feeling guilty for wanting more because I know how blessed I already am. There are people carrying burdens much heavier than mine, and yet gratitude and ambition have somehow learned to coexist. Being thankful for what I have doesn't mean I have to stop believing there's more ahead.
Maybe that's the real lesson of the in-between.
Maybe this season isn't asking me to have all the answers. Maybe it's asking me to trust that becoming is just as important as arriving. That every rejection is making room for the right yes. That every quiet morning is preparing me for a louder purpose. That growth rarely looks impressive while it's happening.
I'm still becoming.
And for the first time in a long time, I think I'm learning to believe that's enough.
